There are many factors that lead to addiction, and one of them is an inflated ego. Let’s be clear that there’s a difference between a healthy ego and an inflated one. A healthy ego tells you that you’re worthwhile. It keeps your feelings in control and reminds you that you deserve better than what addiction can bring you.
But an inflated ego can drive you toward addiction and hurt your recovery, too. Here’s how:
- John’s ego drives him to do risky things that sound exciting. He doesn’t care about how the consequences hurt others, such as how it hurts his parents when he violates their trust over and over again.
- Ann’s ego has caused her to lose compassion for the people around her. She shoplifts to feed her habit with little care for how this affects the businesses she hurts.
- Jim’s family has been telling him for years that he needs to get help for his alcoholism. But he says he’s not the one who needs to change. If the people in his life would treat him right, he wouldn’t have to use alcohol to cope.
- Jan walks out of her first addiction recovery meeting. She doesn’t need a bunch of middle-aged people telling her that she has a problem and how to solve it. She can stop using any time she wants.
The highly successful Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) 12-step program describes ego as “selfishness, self-centeredness” and “the root of our troubles.” It describes the outcome of inflated ego this way: “Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows, and they retaliate.”
How Do I Tame My Ego?
If ego is fueling your addiction and sabotaging your recovery, it’s time to get it in check. Most of us deal with some degree of unhealthy ego, so be patient with yourself. The good news is that you CAN take control of your ego, and it will feel so good when you do.
1. Surrender to a Higher Power
According to the 12-step program, the two most important steps in taming your ego are 1) to acknowledge that you are powerless over your addiction and that your life has become unmanageable, and 2) to acknowledge a higher power who can help you overcome your addiction.
Seek out a Christian-based rehabilitation center that can help you work through the 12 steps to sobriety. It’s been said that “humility is greatness not in you but through you.” As you learn to lean on the Lord, you’ll learn that greatness doesn’t have to come from you. You simply have to become a conduit for the Lord’s greatness. That can really take the pressure off.
2. Make a Habit of Daily Prayer
As you pray daily, you will start to realize all that the Lord has blessed you with and deepen your dependence on Him. You can start to see that He is your unfailing wingman who can get you through any kind of trouble. You don’t have to rely on your flawed self. You can rely on His perfection.
3. Assess the “Why” Behind Your Ego
A little bit of self-assessment can go a long way in containing the ego. Do you feel you’re better than others? If so, ask yourself why. How long have you felt this way? Did a childhood experience cause you to feel this way? Think about it. Talk about it with trusted loved ones or a therapist. Journal it.
Getting to the root of your feelings can help you address them properly.
4. Keep a Gratitude Journal
A big ego says, “I did this myself!” But if you can develop a healthy ego, you will see that so much of what you have accomplished is due to others—whether it be a parent, teacher, mentor, friend, or God. Committing to writing something in your gratitude journal each day will help you see your blessings and recognize where they are coming from.
5. Stay in Student Mode
No one expects you to get everything right the first time, so stop expecting it of yourself. In God’s eyes, you’re a child—learning as you go. Let go of the defensiveness, and be willing to learn from people around you. If you don’t know something, admit it freely. If you make a mistake, admit that freely, too. Then brush yourself off and learn some more.
Many of the world’s most successful people got there by surrounding themselves with people who knew more than they did and being willing to learn and improve.
6. Stop Worrying About What Other People Think
Don’t get overawed by humanity. They’re just people; many of them will pass in and out of your life. They have faults of their own. And what’s more, people don’t tend to be the best judge of people. God, on the other hand, is a perfect judge, and He knows your heart.
“Look vertical, not horizontal,” meaning worry about what God thinks, not what the people around you think. God will get you exactly where you should be in the long run.
7. Serve
One of the best ways to unload your ego is to focus more on others. Look for opportunities to serve. It can be something big (like volunteering at a local food pantry) or something seemingly small (like texting an old friend, giving a compliment, or writing a thank you note).
8. Get Out in Nature
When you’re hiking with the mountains towering above you and an eternal blue sky overhead, it’s easier to see these truths: You’re one part of this great universe. You aren’t responsible for keeping the earth in orbit. Your problems aren’t as big as you thought.
Nature is a powerful force for managing your ego.
9. Get Yourself a Support Network
Addiction tends to isolate. It says, “I can do this myself. I don’t need anyone to help me.” But as the saying goes, “No (wo)man is an island.”
When you let people into your life, you’ll see that you can learn from them. You’ll learn to give and take in an evenhanded way. You’ll learn that we’re all in this together—not one of us better than the other, just a lot of flawed people doing the best we can.
Seek out support through an addiction recovery center. You’ll meet peers who share your struggles and staff members who were previously in your shoes. Many of these centers offer alumni programs so that you’ll have friends you can lean on for life.
10. Set Realistic Expectations
As mentioned earlier in the blog, most people have to work to curb their ego, so don’t assume you’re the only one in need of work in this department. It’s part of the human experience.
And don’t expect to be ego-free overnight. It’s a process. It begins with a willingness to surrender, but the journey that follows will still have its ups and downs. Sometimes, you’ll feel like you’re nailing this humility thing. At other times, you’ll know you need a good old-fashioned ego check. But if you’re willing to work at it, the overall trend can be toward a life with a healthy sense of self and a healthy concern for the people around you.