Drug and alcohol abuse is often a symptom of a larger problem. People use substances to deal with intense emotional trauma from singular events or prolonged histories of mistreatment. They do it to numb feelings of pain, worthlessness, depression, anger, despair, and resentment.
What is resentment? It is a strong negative emotion directed at someone else for causing you physical or emotional harm or blocking you from getting a desired outcome. Resentment is like a poison you drink to destroy your enemies. It eats at you until you can’t focus on anything positive. You become incapable of feeling joy, wonder, gratitude, or hope.
When You Feel Resentment
If you’re mired in resentment, it is much harder to move forward on your sobriety journey. Everything that reminds you of that perceived betrayal becomes a trigger that could cause you to relapse. Many faiths share a simple truth: harboring resentment destroys your peace. In the Doctrine and Covenants, scripture held sacred by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Jesus said:
“I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you, it is required to forgive all men. And ye ought to say in your hearts—let God judge between me and thee, and reward thee according to thy deeds.” (D&C 64:9–11.)
By turning judgment over to the Lord completely and forgiving those who have wronged you, you aren’t condoning their actions or making light of the consequences. You aren’t permitting them to hurt you again. You are simply saying you give up the right to be angry about what happened, knowing that the anger hurts you. By so doing, you free yourself from any power that individual had over you.
Sometimes, resentments are caused by ongoing and vicious actions by someone close to you. You may need to forgive again and again and again to find peace in the chaos. Over time, it gets easier, and forgiveness comes faster as your mind and heart follow a pattern.
When Others Feel Resentment Toward You
Unfortunately, people say and do things while under the influence of alcohol and drugs that they would never dream of doing while sober. If your addiction has caused a rift between you and your friends or family members, they may harbor some resentment toward you.
Accept this as a natural consequence of your addiction and work through the 12-step program. Accept responsibility. Make reparations where possible. Ultimately, it isn’t in your control to make your loved ones forgive you, so once you’ve done what you can, move forward and give them time.
Working Through Resentment
Resentment may be a tough habit to break, especially if it’s a longstanding emotional response to established triggers or a specific person. Here are some techniques to help you work through feelings of resentment to find peace.
- Start a gratitude journal. It is difficult to feel resentment and gratitude at the same time. If you find yourself tightening up with anger, immediately count ten things you’re grateful for. Don’t just make a list but explain why they are important to you. Focus on the details of your gratitude, and it will crowd out resentment.
- Deliberately renounce your right to be angry because you choose the path of recovery, joy, and peace. Don’t engage with the difficult relationship, just walk away from the situation and the emotions. You have more power over your emotional state than you think you do.
- Pray or meditate for peace. Sometimes your mind is crowded with worry and stress, and resentment is just the last straw. Perhaps it is time to give your mind and spirit a break and relax. By renewing yourself, you increase your capacity to handle everyday stressors.
- Be busy with something you enjoy. Don’t give resentment time to simmer in your mind.
- Volunteer for a good cause. It is impossible to focus on your problems while serving others with love. Ride the emotional high rather than the chemical one and your resentments lose importance.
- Practice self-care in whatever form feels best for you. Some people relax best in a hot bubble bath with a good book. Others relax to music or while working out. Take time for yourself and focus on keeping your thoughts calm.
- Talk to your men’s or women’s support group when you feel overwhelmed. Sometimes, it helps to have another perspective.
Last Words
At our addiction recovery centers in Utah and Idaho, we help participants clear out internal baggage in order to achieve lasting sobriety. If you’re dealing with resentment, it’s a dark uncomfortable feeling that will stonewall your progress. Don’t hang onto it any longer than you have to. Take steps today to find the peace and joy you deserve.