Addiction is a crushing burden for anyone, but especially for single moms. If you are in this position, we see you. We know that you are doing the emotionally and physically exhausting work of caring for children without the help of a partner. We know you may be doing it alongside full-time work. We understand that you may want help, but you fear that getting help may cause you to lose your children.
We also understand that you may be dealing with heavy financial stresses, social stigma that makes you feel like a “bad mom,” and self-inflicted guilt and shame.
You may feel like you are carrying the world on your shoulders on some days, but you are not alone. And you are not without hope. Many single mothers have overcome their addiction and emerged stronger than ever. Many children have gotten their mom back and been able to move forward positively…thriving not just in spite of—but because of—the challenges they have overcome in their families.
You can turn this seemingly overwhelming negative into a positive. You can rebound from this if you’re willing to take the first step.
Why Get Help?
The fear of losing children when you check yourself into a women’s drug rehab looms large, but there are reasons you shouldn’t put it off for another day.
1. Your Kids Deserve the Best You
If you are living with an addiction, your children are not getting the best of you. In the grand scheme of things, the time required for recovery is a small thing compared to the toll of addiction. Addiction isn’t good for the kids, and it’s not good for you.
Think of it like driving a car in need of maintenance. You can address it now…or drive at risk, and wait for the problem to catch up with you.
Yes, it will take time. Yes, your kids will have to go to an alternative living situation if you need residential care. But you will emerge as a person who is whole and well with healthy coping skills for life—not someone who is simply limping along in the ravages of addiction.
2. There Are Laws to Protect Your Family
Ideally, you will be able to find relatives or friends for your children to say with. If they live with loved ones—or even if they are placed in foster care—the law requires CPS to work to reunify you with your child.
If you seek care, commit to a life free of substance abuse, and show progress along that path, chances are high that your children will be returned to you.
3. Your Kids Will Learn from Your Positive Example
If you seek out drug treatment, here’s what you’ll model for your children:
- I don’t stay stuck in my problems (resourcefulness, proactiveness)
- I am worthy of a happy life (high self-esteem)
- I am willing to change when I make mistakes (growth mentality)
- I am willing to sacrifice for the people I love (unconditional love)
- I don’t let hard things get the better of me (resilience)
4. Your Kids Will Be Less At-Risk for Drug Use Themselves
Studies show that children of parents who abuse drugs and alcohol have a higher risk of initiating substance use.1 You can help break that cycle by showing your children a parent who is drug and alcohol-free.
5. Support for the Whole Family
Many women’s addiction recovery centers offer classes and support groups for family members. They help everyone heal—not just the person in treatment. That way, everyone is on the same page and has learned skills and strategies to make the whole family stronger.
Some centers also offer alumni groups that bring women and their children together for regular activities and support sessions. Women in recovery can support each other, and their children can connect with other kids who have had similar experiences. This can become a lifeline of long-term support for everyone in the family.
What to Do to Prepare for Rehab
Choose the Best Treatment Center and Plan
Check recommendations and ratings to find the best women’s drug treatment center near you. Note that there are multiple ways to “do” rehab. One is intensive outpatient treatment, where you get care and therapy for a block of time each day but still live independently. Another is inpatient or residential, where you are living in a center, often for a couple of months. This is often followed up with several months of intensive outpatient therapy.
An initial evaluation at a center can help you know which approach is best for your situation.
Get Help Caring for Your Kids
If possible, arrange for a “kinship care” situation, where a trusted relative cares for your children while you are in rehab. Prioritize a caregiver who will help you stay in touch with your kids while in treatment (through things like scheduled visits), maintain their regular activities, help them get any needed medical care, and keep siblings together.
Talk to Your Kids
Let them know that addiction is not their fault. Help them understand the timetables for your treatment, and assure them that they will see you again once you get well. Help them understand the circumstances of their temporary care, but remind them that you are still and will always be their parent.
Allow your child to share their feelings. (You can prompt them with questions like, “How does this make you feel?” “What are you most worried about?”) Listen to your child’s feelings without judgment. Help them know that their feelings are normal and natural and that you understand their concerns.
Notify Key People
Talk to your child’s teachers and medical providers. (It may be wise to grant them temporary caregiver power of attorney in case they need to make decisions for your child in your absence.)
Choosing to get the care you need is one of the bravest decisions you can ever make. It can transform your life—and your children’s lives—in remarkable ways. Take the first steps by calling our women’s rehabilitation center in Idaho. We’ll talk you through your options and help you take steps to ensure the best outcome for you and your children.
1https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC2758661/#