Rebuilding trust

15 Sep Rebuild Trust

Unfortunately, after the lies and betrayal of addiction, it is very difficult for someone to trust you again.  However, it is possible.  It will take a lot of work and a lot of dedication, but after some time, you will be able to rebuild that trust, and maybe even have a stronger relationship because of it.  Read on to learn how you can rebuild trust after an addiction.  

Start Small

The wounds of broken trust run deep.  Don’t expect someone to run to you even if you have changed, as they might not be able to trust it.  It takes time to heal.  Start by being trustworthy in the little things.  Come home when you say you will, be with who you say you are with, and be where you say that you are.  Tell the truth, even when it doesn’t seem to matter.  It’s the little things that add up to be the big things.  

Forgive Yourself

In order to heal your relationship, you need to be willing to forgive yourself too.  How can you expect your partner to forgive you if you can’t forgive yourself?  No one is perfect, and that includes you.  You need to accept your past, accept that you messed up, accept that you’re human, and begin to move forward with your life.  

Don’t Get Defensive

When someone calls you out on something that you have done, you need to work hard not to be defensive.  When you are defensive, you throw up your walls and stop listening to what other people have to say.  You need to be vulnerable and trustworthy in order to regain trust.  It is hard, and it does take practice, but it is possible.  

Be an Open Book

Share everything about your life that you reasonably can without being obnoxious.  This might mean letting your significant other know your Facebook and email passwords, let them see your phone every night, etc.  It will feel like an invasion of privacy at first, but it won’t last forever, and you do need to remember that your relationship is more important than your privacy. 

Show How You Are Fixing the Problem

Help the other person see that you are trying your best to change. Don’t try to “make-up” for what happened, rather, start fresh and move forward.  Go to your addiction recovery meetings, avoid the friends that are a bad influence on you, call when you say you’ll call, etc.  It’s not enough to simply say that you are changing, you have to take action and change.    
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