Have you ever noticed people sabotaging a good thing, like picking fights in a good relationship, having affairs, or looking for salacious gossip when things are too peaceful? While this pattern isn’t restricted to women, it can be a huge contributor to women participating in damaging relationships and substance abuse.
How the Brain Works
Our brains function by chemically transmitted electrical signals. Different emotions release different chemicals. Sustained emotions cause more of a particular chemical to be produced and stay in the system longer. For example:
- Some chemicals trigger the reward center of the brain, like dopamine, which leads to compulsive behaviors like sexual addictions, gambling addictions, and more. This part of the brain lights up with drug addictions as well.
- Others cause a heightened awareness called fight or flight. Sustained fight or flight can allow a person to operate at a peak state. If that becomes their norm, then healthy, stable lives and relationships can seem boring or numbing by comparison. They may seek out adrenaline to feel something again, whether finding relationships that are as dangerous as the ones they grew up with, picking fights with their significant others, or participating in risky behavior.
Consciously or unconsciously, people tend to gravitate toward what’s familiar because it feels “safe.” If they continue to chase an emotional state despite it having negative consequences in their life, like being angry all the time, then it’s called an emotional addiction. That addiction can be devastating for them and their loved ones if not addressed.
That’s why our women’s residential treatment programs in Idaho focus not just on the physical addiction to drugs and alcohol but also on the emotional addictions and traumas that feed chemical dependency.
Emotional Addictions
Common emotional addictions include:
Anger
Unresolved pain a person doesn’t know how to handle can make them lash out or get defensive. They raise their voices regularly. Even little things can ruin their day and leave them fuming long after the incident. They can get violent, either with people or by breaking objects. Few people measure up to their standards. They can be just as hard on themselves as on others. They’re always tense, always expecting something to go wrong.
Depression
Unexpressed anger turned inward puts a person under an unrelenting assault of negativity.
They lose interest in things they used to enjoy, quit valuing themselves, have harsh self-talk, and expect bad things to happen. Their head is down, shoulders hunched, breathing shallow, and body tense, and they may self-isolate or consider self-harm or suicide.
This pattern can be reinforced if other people reward this behavior, seeking to reassure and comfort the one who is depressed, especially if the depressed person isn’t used to positive attention.
Pleasure
When other emotions become difficult to deal with, people can turn to compulsive behaviors and pleasure chemistry to escape.
Grief
Grief is characterized by feelings of loss after death or a significant change in circumstances Strange as it sounds, people can become addicted to their own grief. The intense chemical cocktail released in the brain can sometimes trigger the brain’s reward center, creating a craving cycle.
In that case, a patient may be dealing with persistent complex bereavement disorder, which describes someone experiencing intense, debilitating grief that doesn’t dissipate even after twelve months or more.
Learned Helplessness
If a person has been unable to affect their situation, such as being a child in an abusive home, over extended periods, they can conclude that they are helpless. This behavior prevents people from moving forward, trying anything new, or finding solutions to their problems. It also feels safer because there is less risk if they stay the same.
Sadness
People may choose to be unhappy, sometimes to punish themselves for past wrongs or because they have low self-esteem and think they don’t deserve anything better. They unconsciously and actively work against changes that could improve their situation. Others who hyperfocus on feelings of sadness may be dealing with an undiagnosed mental illness that needs treatment.
Emotional Vs. Substance Addiction
When the emotional addiction gets too intense or causes too much disruption, the person suffering may turn to drugs or alcohol. Whether it is to mask their emotions, hide from their guilt, or escape an unpleasant situation, the emotion drives the need for drugs and alcohol. Consequently, treating the chemical dependence alone will not be sufficient to end the addiction.
If you or a loved one is ready for help, please call a women’s substance abuse treatment facility designed for dual diagnosis and treatment. Make sure the center can safely medically detox patients for minimal discomfort, engage in private and group therapies for maximum efficacy, and offer women’s support groups to help you stay strong long after you finish your program.