When you care about someone, it’s natural to want the best for them. It can be difficult to watch a loved one go down a path of substance abuse, dependence, and addiction. You might feel guilty, angry, or helpless as you watch them slip away into isolation. You may feel conflicted or filled with doubt; is the behavior you’re seeing problematic, or are you being too judgmental? At Renaissance Ranch, we want to empower you to approach the topic of substance abuse with the people you love in a healthy and compassionate way. Once you know the signs to look out for, you can take the necessary steps and talk to your loved ones about addiction.
Signs of Addiction to Look For
If you’re unfamiliar with substance use disorder (SUD), it can be hard to recognize the signs of addiction, even when they’re right in front of you. Sometimes, you might even make excuses in your mind for your loved one, explaining away their strange behavior. If you feel like something is off, trust your gut. It’s better to be overly cautious and catch the signs early than to wait until the disease of addiction has progressed to a dangerous stage.
Addiction looks different in each person and can vary depending on the substance being abused, but here are some physical signs to look out for:
- Red or bloodshot eyes
- Sweating
- Shaking or twitching
- Changes in weight
- Trouble breathing or increased heart rate
- Frequent fever-like symptoms
- Slurred speech
- Feeling physically weak
Many people struggling with SUD can manage or hide the physical signs from their loved ones. Often, their behavior is an easier way to identify if they are abusing substances. Behavioral signs include:
- Secrecy about how they are spending their time and who they are with
- Drowsiness or falling asleep during the day
- Hyperactivity or high energy
- Irritability, anger, or being “on edge”
- Decline in performance or attendance at work or school
- Risk-taking behavior, such as drunk driving or unprotected sex
- Decreased interest in family, old friends, and hobbies
These are just a few examples of what addiction can look like. If you notice a change in behavior, physical health, or mental health, it’s important to talk to your loved ones about their substance use and encourage them to seek help.
Starting the Conversation
When you talk to loved ones about substance use, remember that it can be a sensitive topic. They may already be feeling guilt or shame surrounding their addiction. Those feelings often drive people to self-hatred and isolation. They may believe that they abuse substances because they’re weak or because they deserve to suffer. Often, addicted people feel that they don’t deserve help.
Prepare for the conversation with research and self-reflection. Explore treatment options and rehabilitation centers near you. Write down what you’ve observed in their behavior and how it has affected you or others. Being prepared and organized is the best way to start the conversation about addiction.
Language to Avoid
During conversations like this, try to come from a place of compassion, concern, and encouragement. This is not an opportunity to berate or accuse. If your tone or your words are accusatory, your loved one may become defensive, angry, or shut down completely. Avoid making “you statements” like “You are an addict” or “You are hurting our family.”
Don’t use threats or fear to try to initiate change. You might be tempted to say things like “If you keep using, you’re going to end up dead” or “I’m not going to keep saving you.” Statements like these lack compassion and don’t communicate to your loved one that you care about them. Fear is not a reliable motivator for real, sustainable change.
Make Room for Your Feelings
SUD affects everyone around the addicted person. Although you don’t want your feelings to take over or dominate the conversation, it’s important to communicate to your loved one how their behavior is making you feel. It can be helpful to write down ahead of time what you’re feeling so that your thoughts are collected and easier to communicate.
Stay calm and avoid raising your voice. Focus on using “I statements” such as “I feel scared when I see your health declining because I’m afraid we’ll lose you,” or “I feel angry when you lie about drinking because I value honesty in our relationship.” It’s okay to express negative feelings like anger or hurt; in fact, it’s vital that your loved one sees how their substance abuse is negatively affecting the people they care about. Your honesty and vulnerability in this conversation can help drive them to want to change.
Seeking Professional Help
Conversations like this are emotional and difficult to navigate. You might be worried about saying the wrong thing or failing to get your loved one to go to treatment. Remember that change doesn’t happen overnight. By having these conversations, you’re doing what you can to help someone that you love.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, don’t know where to begin, or feel like you’re not making progress, professional help may be a good next step. Renaissance Ranch offers free intervention services to facilitate conversations with addicted loved ones. They can help mediate the conversation and keep it moving in a positive direction.
An intervention may be necessary if your loved one is in denial about their substance abuse or if they’re being enabled by family members. An intervention can also help if you need assistance in setting firm boundaries. Our interventionists provide respectful guidance and suggest treatment options so that the transition for your loved one is easy.
It’s hard to know how to talk about addiction. With the right tools, you can make a difference in your loved one’s life and encourage them to seek the treatment they need. Renaissance Ranch is here to offer guidance and support every step of the way. Our free intervention services allow you to express your feelings, which can help your loved one overcome shame and denial. If you believe that someone you care about is struggling with drug or alcohol addiction, know that you are not alone. When you feel overwhelmed or helpless, call us. We can take the first steps together. Reach out to Renaissance Ranch at (801) 308-8898.