It all happened so fast. One day, you and your partner shared everything. Life couldn’t have been better. Then suddenly, your loved one began to experience constant mood swings. They were secretive and erratic. You didn’t want to think the worst, but then you found yourself searching for “substance abuse programs near me.”
If this scenario sounds familiar, it’s normal to feel overwhelmed, confused, and even a little helpless. But recognizing the signs and learning how to respond appropriately can be a decisive first step in supporting their recovery and protecting your well-being.
Whether this is a new concern or something you’ve been wrestling with for a while, this guide will help you tune into the red flags, confront your partner thoughtfully, and help your loved one find help.
Know the Warning Signs
Addiction doesn’t always look like it does in the movies. It often unfolds slowly, marked by subtle changes that accumulate over time. By learning the warning signs, you can identify substance abuse and intervene quickly.
Behavioral Changes
Some common behavioral changes include, but are not limited to:
- Staying out late without explanation
- Intense mood swings
- Socially withdrawing
- Defensive behavior
- A decline in hygiene
- Missing essential work or family commitments
- Financial irresponsibility
- Extreme outbursts of anger or sadness
If your loved one is experiencing seemingly random behavior shifts such as those listed above, trust your gut. If something feels off, it probably is. You don’t need proof of a specific substance to begin voicing concern.
Emotional and Physical Red Flags
In addition to the behavior changes, addiction alters a person’s emotional and physical state.
Here are some emotional warning signs:
- Irritability
- Anxiety
- Social Withdrawal
- Paranoia
- Mood imbalance
- Obsessive behaviors
Here are some physical warning signs:
- Red eyes
- Weight changes
- Shakiness
- Slurred speech
- Complaints of feeling sick without clear reasons
- Excessive energy followed by subsequent crashes
- Extreme drowsiness
As difficult as it is, try not to rationalize what you’re observing. Denial only leads to further hurt. Protect your loved one and yourself, and act quickly if you notice any of these changes.
How Substance Use Affects the Relationship
Addiction affects those closest to the one struggling. When your loved one is battling an addiction, you take on more emotional burdens. You feel the need to cover for them socially or walk on eggshells to avoid conflict.
Relationships are founded on trust, but substance abuse erodes the intimacy you established. After the constant lies, you may find yourself questioning everything they say and resenting them for the lack of honesty. Even though you are still together physically, you may feel isolated, stuck with a shell of the person you fell in love with. It is exhausting to fill the role of a caretaker when you want an equal partner.
Don’t let your relationship become a casualty of your loved one’s addiction. Recognize how substance use is changing the dynamic of your relationship. Acknowledge your pain and set boundaries to protect your well-being.
How to Approach the Conversation
Once you’ve recognized a pattern of concerning behaviors, the next step is to address it with your loved one. Lead with compassion; this talk isn’t about catching them in a lie. Create an open space where your partner can feel comfortable expressing themselves and seeking help.
Pick a time when your partner is sober and calm. Avoid accusing or judging them. Focus instead on what you’ve observed. Use “I” statements that reflect your concern, like:
- “I’ve noticed you’ve been really withdrawn lately, and I’m worried something deeper is going on.”
- “I love you, and I’m scared by some of the changes I’ve seen.”
- “I feel like you have been carrying a lot of stress recently. I want to support you. Can we talk?”
Prepare yourself for a negative reaction. Addiction is a disease that thrives on secrecy and shame. Your loved one might deny the substance use, deflect, or react angrily. Remember, your goal is not to win an argument. Stay level-headed and assure your partner that you are there to help them change.
If they refuse help now, don’t lose hope. Addiction recovery isn’t a linear journey, and your willingness to help them lays the groundwork for future action.
Set Boundaries With Love
Being supportive doesn’t mean losing yourself in the process. You need boundaries that protect your mental, emotional, and physical health. If your partner continues using and refuses treatment, you may need to limit financial support and even consider temporary separation to protect your well-being.
Boundaries aren’t punishment. They create clarity and order. Setting boundaries tells your partner that you love them too much to let their substance abuse go unchecked. Some examples of boundaries include:
- Refusing to lie for them or cover up consequences
- Not giving money that could be used for substances
- Requiring counseling or rehab as a condition of continuing the relationship
Setting limits can feel harsh, but it’s the only way for your relationship to move past addiction.
Seek Outside Support
You don’t have to carry this burden alone. Support groups like Alcoholics Anonymous or therapy sessions for partners of people with substance use disorders can help you gain clarity and strength. If your partner agrees to get help, encourage them to find men’s or women’s rehab that also includes family or couples therapy.
If your partner’s behavior becomes dangerous, consider staging a formal intervention with the help of a professional. You don’t have to wait for your partner to choose recovery to start your own healing process. You need to care for yourself, too.
Offer Hope
Recovery is always possible, but it’s not instant, and you cannot do it for your partner. They have to want recovery for themselves. Your job is to support them, celebrate victories, and offer hope along the way.
Make sure your partner knows you believe in them. Remind them that they aren’t too far gone. Share resources and express love. Tell them that relapse is not the end and reassure them that getting help is a sign of strength. Your support can be a lifeline in the darkness.
Final Thoughts
With addiction, the path forward is uncertain. But you are stronger than you think, and you don’t have to go it alone. Lean into support, don’t be afraid to set boundaries, and be a source of light in the abyss of addiction.
For more support, contact our substance abuse facilities servicing Utah and Idaho. With over 20 years of experience, we know how hard addictions can be on both the one struggling and their family. Don’t hesitate to reach out and talk to our professionals.