Watching someone spiral in the throes of addiction is heartbreaking and can turn your world upside down in so many ways. An addicted loved one may have a teenage pregnancy, cause a car wreck that injures others, or steal to pay for their next fix. They can grow defensive, angry, and even abusive as they try to protect their addiction. Every attempt to help them is seen as judgment.
You may have tried to reach your loved one before and failed. Truth be told, there is no guarantee this time will work either. However, these guidelines can help you write an impact letter in a manner that has worked for others. It gives you a better chance at reaching your addicted loved one. You both deserve a successful intervention, and you should have all the tools you need.
What Is an Impact Letter?
If you’ve seen an intervention on TV, either in reality shows or in fiction, you will likely see family members of the addicted person reading letters. These letters are designed to help the addicted person see past the haze of drug or withdrawal so they understand the impact their addiction is having on those around them.
Why Letters?
Interventions are emotionally charged and sometimes risky situations. People on both sides of the issue are filled with adrenaline and will be tempted to say whatever pops into their heads, no matter how angry or defensive they may sound.
The problem with this approach is the addicted loved one is already on the defensive when they realize they’ve walked into an intervention. All they want to do is leave. If it turns into a bashing session, the addicted loved one is going to bail, and it will be much harder to try again.
You cannot bully someone into long-lasting change, not with addiction recovery. Lowered self-esteem, isolation, and hopelessness feed addiction. No matter what your loved one has done, you will have to approach them with love if you want to do an intervention.
Of Course I Love My Son/Daughter/Spouse/Parent. How Could You Suggest Otherwise?
People struggling with addiction struggle to love themselves. They see themselves as weak, amoral, wicked, or foolish. When people struggle to like themselves, they don’t see how others could see something to like in them. Judgment from you can seem like you’re withholding love because of their bad behavior.
So, the first step is to get into a loving frame of mind before you write a single word. Remember good times before the addiction. Remember silly moments and laughter and shared hopes for the future. You aren’t trying to change them because they aren’t good enough. You’re trying to help them overcome the thing that derailed them from their lives. If it takes you an hour, great. If it takes you a week to calm down after the latest run-in with your loved one, that’s fine, too. It is better to get this right than lose this precious opportunity.
How Do I Start?
Start by establishing a connection with your loved one. Who are they to you? What do they mean to you? Talk about your fondest memory, like bringing your baby home from the hospital or your dad walking you down the aisle. These milestone moments mean something permanent and can help your loved one find deeper meaning and identity in their relationship with you. Your loved one needs to see themself as separate from their addiction.
How Do I Get To the Point?
Knowing how much to say and what to hold back can be daunting. You don’t want to turn the intervention into a bashing session, but you want to impress upon the loved one the seriousness of the situation if they’re in denial. Having a trained interventionist to help you write your letter is a good idea, but here are some tips.
- Remember that your loved one is not their addiction. They may have made choices under the influence they never would have made while sober, but that doesn’t make them irredeemable. They can be healed. They can make better choices. They can have a good life. They can move forward.
- Remember that people from all walks of life get addicted to drugs and alcohol. Just because they got in over their head doesn’t mean they aren’t worthy of help.
- Write about the most significant ways your loved one’s actions have affected or hurt you. Don’t list everything they’ve ever done wrong; it will lose the emotional punch. Share the unseen consequences of their actions. Did you eat oatmeal for a week because your spouse spent the grocery money on booze? Did you lose your job because your child took the car without asking, and you couldn’t get to work? Did you constantly move as a child because your parents never paid the rent on time? Describe the consequences of your loved one’s actions in terms of their effect on you.
- Have recovery resources ready and write about the options, which may include your loved one checking into an addiction recovery center. A concrete plan can keep your loved one from putting off recovery.
- Establish boundaries in writing. Boundaries will vary from family to family but will likely include mandatory treatment of some kind accompanied by limits on your loved one’s behavior. An example could be, “You can’t stay here if you aren’t actively going to meetings and staying sober.”
- Describe how you will help your loved one in recovery. Will you visit them in rehab daily? Will you drive them to and from meetings? Will you help them get back on their feet when they get out? Will you babysit the kids so your loved one can focus on recovery? Give them hope that you will continue to be active in their life, that they won’t have to face recovery alone, and that there is a future beyond the drug and alcohol treatment center. Then, keep your word.
Many successful recoveries have started with an impact letter. Remember to lead with love and be firm and specific. And if you decide to proceed with a drug treatment center in Utah or Idaho, contact Renaissance Ranch. We can help you all along the way on the journey to recovery.