Balancing ongoing sobriety with daily life, interests, responsibilities, and more as an alumnus is an amazing accomplishment, and each person should be proud of the hard work it takes to manage their sober lives. However, it is still important to be aware of potential stresses and challenges, and testing the waters of the dating scene while in recovery from substance use disorder (SUD) can come with many mixed feelings. While dating and relationships after recovery are certainly possible, it is also crucial to approach them carefully to balance ongoing sober success while exploring romantic pursuits.
Dating in Recovery Is Possible
Relationships and dating come with many challenges and stresses, but it is always possible to balance ongoing sobriety with new romantic pursuits or even to repair old relationships. Despite any history with addictive substances, nobody is somehow “undeserving” or “not allowed” to explore romantic partnerships. However, while managing a healthy relationship in sobriety is possible, there are several considerations to explore before making the important decision to begin a new romantic relationship or re-enter the dating scene.
While relationships can provide amazing support, understanding, and belonging, they also come with stress, anxiety, doubt, and risk. Even healthy relationships sometimes carry disagreements. Being prepared for the responsibility of a relationship is important, and Renaissance Ranch can help each person become equipped with skills and community to manage sobriety while exploring dating again.
Focus On Your Own Life First
While those just beginning their sober life outside a treatment facility may be excited to jump back into a relationship with renewed confidence and new perspectives, getting into a new relationship too quickly can be risky. Rather, it is recommended that each person wait about a year of sobriety before introducing a new romantic relationship into their lives, taking this time to focus on oneself first while developing new routines, self-care strategies, hobbies, identities, and coping strategies.
For many, this is to ensure that they have practiced and refined strategies for navigating ongoing urges and cravings that can continue to impact daily life. However, this time in outpatient treatment is crucial for developing a wealth of other skills.
Focusing on oneself ensures that each person has the opportunity to explore personal interests, hobbies, and goals that are important to them. Beginning a relationship too early in recovery can result in a person developing a sober identity around their potential romantic partner, rather than focusing on internal, personal interests.
Reaching Stability and Confidence
For others, reaching a healthy emotional stability and confidence in sobriety is paramount before beginning a new relationship, ensuring a person is treating both themselves and their potential partner fairly, as well as helping to recognize red flags, such as minimizing the importance of recovery, difficulty communicating, emotional unavailability, or being pressured to move too quickly in a relationship.
Developing one’s own sober identity is part of the healing journey through Renaissance Ranch, all while continuing to manage urges, cravings, and mental health challenges that may persist in daily life. Being able to tend to personal needs and express agency before beginning a relationship can help avoid self-destructive or co-dependent relationships, overreliance on a partner to cope with stress, and empower each person to establish their sober identity based solely on their own goals.
Be Ready to Talk About Recovery
While a person does not necessarily have to disclose their entire history with addictive substances upfront, each person should be ready to talk about it when the conversation does arise. Being comfortable with being vulnerable and discussing this difficult topic is necessary for addressing challenges in new relationships and establishing an atmosphere of honesty with a partner.
Some people may choose to disclose their recovery status upfront, either on dating profiles or early in recovery, while others may want to wait and explore the relationship before introducing such a difficult topic. However, if a person is not ready to discuss their story and sober lifestyle, it can lead to mistrust, miscommunications, and even unnecessary high-risk scenarios like a partner bringing alcohol to a function unaware of one’s sober lifestyle.
Set Clear Boundaries
Boundaries are an important part of any relationship, romantic or otherwise. Healthy and clearly established boundaries empower those in recovery to continue focusing on themselves and their goals while communicating needs and working towards personal goals. Boundaries around certain topics, date ideas, and more can be essential, ensuring that relationships can be built on trust while allowing each person in a relationship to be a unique individual with an identity outside the relationship, not defined by it.
Working with peers in alumni support groups can help not only to learn to establish healthy boundaries but also to apply practical skills in the real world, all while providing a community to fall back on to address new stresses or unexpected hurdles.
Know the Stresses
New relationships can be challenging. Jumping into one too quickly can lead to many to feel pressured to accommodate a new partner through fear of losing the relationship, potentially compromising personal goals or identity in the process. Having the skills and resilience to navigate potential conflict, disagreements, and more is also part of preparing for a relationship, and these skills should be practiced before committing.
Likewise, relationships take hard work, and both those in recovery and those who are not will have to put in a lot of effort to ensure the success of the relationship. Anxiety, doubt, and more are common. While unfortunate, breakups are also common, and a person should have skills and a support system outside of the relationship to navigate challenges while maintaining sobriety. A person should never feel “trapped” in a relationship or that their sobriety relies solely on a partner, and continuing to develop relationships with family members, loved ones, and alumni peers in support groups can all lead to a well-rounded support system.
Dating in recovery can be challenging, but never impossible. However, having the support of the alumni community at Renaissance Ranch to continue developing personal goals is paramount. With ongoing support, accountability, and camaraderie, we are always available to help you balance personal needs and milestones as you begin to explore the challenges of dating in recovery. Our faith-based healing and sense of community can support your change while learning practical skills for a healthy, sober relationship. For more information on how we can help you balance the stresses of dating with ongoing recovery, or to learn how our community can support accountability and change in sobriety, call to speak to us today at (801) 308-8898.